Walking out of the therapist's office for the last time, it felt bittersweet; desperation drove me there searching for solace, self-assurance ushered me out to find purpose. I'm not entirely certain where my next stop will be or the road I'll take to get there, but I'll arrive much sooner having shed much baggage.
Leave a light on for me.
June 09, 2004
Once again, America has proven that its cultural memory is about as long as its fuse. Accolades and praise are gushing forth from the media and the public, calling former president Ronald Reagan a true American patriot.
Indeed, Reagan's "legacy" is being compared to that of Abraham Lincoln, and there are suggestions afloat that he be immortalized at Mount Rushmore or on US currency. In reality Ronald Reagan was, despite his popularity and movie-star appeal, one of the most calculating, ruthless, conniving, non-egalitarian, secretive and elitist Presidents ever to occupy the Oval Office. His administration's policy of "low-intensity warfare" killed thousands in places such as El Salvador, Mozambique and Angola, and doomed US troops in Lebanon and Grenada. (Never mind that he once declared that ketchup should be reclassified from condiment to vegetable and admitted that he relied upon the advice of wife Nancy's personal astrologer.)
Even before his election Reagan's party was operating to ensure a successful bid for office. Jimmy Carter, Reagan's predecessor, was saddled with soaring inflation, a budget deficit, and the hostage crisis in Iran. The miserable failure of the two hostage rescue attempts was brought about at least in part with the assistance of CIA and other cooperatives -- and was the nail in Carter's presidential coffin. In fact, the agenda for Reagan's administration was mapped out well in advance by conservative business leaders and campaign supporters who would become part of his famous "Kitchen Cabinet." One of the cabinet members would be Joseph Coors, whose Heritage Foundation published for Reagan two Mandates for Leadership, one for each of his terms. The mandates called for tax cuts for the wealthy and credits for segregated schools, dramatic cutbacks in subsidies for public housing, food stamps and education, and policies supporting the US military's suppression of democratic movements in third-world countries.
Reagan once declared that it was "morning in America"; what he meant was that it was morning for wealthy America. But it was the beginning of a long sunset for supporters of free and democratic societies.
Indeed, Reagan's "legacy" is being compared to that of Abraham Lincoln, and there are suggestions afloat that he be immortalized at Mount Rushmore or on US currency. In reality Ronald Reagan was, despite his popularity and movie-star appeal, one of the most calculating, ruthless, conniving, non-egalitarian, secretive and elitist Presidents ever to occupy the Oval Office. His administration's policy of "low-intensity warfare" killed thousands in places such as El Salvador, Mozambique and Angola, and doomed US troops in Lebanon and Grenada. (Never mind that he once declared that ketchup should be reclassified from condiment to vegetable and admitted that he relied upon the advice of wife Nancy's personal astrologer.)
Even before his election Reagan's party was operating to ensure a successful bid for office. Jimmy Carter, Reagan's predecessor, was saddled with soaring inflation, a budget deficit, and the hostage crisis in Iran. The miserable failure of the two hostage rescue attempts was brought about at least in part with the assistance of CIA and other cooperatives -- and was the nail in Carter's presidential coffin. In fact, the agenda for Reagan's administration was mapped out well in advance by conservative business leaders and campaign supporters who would become part of his famous "Kitchen Cabinet." One of the cabinet members would be Joseph Coors, whose Heritage Foundation published for Reagan two Mandates for Leadership, one for each of his terms. The mandates called for tax cuts for the wealthy and credits for segregated schools, dramatic cutbacks in subsidies for public housing, food stamps and education, and policies supporting the US military's suppression of democratic movements in third-world countries.
* * *
Reagan once declared that it was "morning in America"; what he meant was that it was morning for wealthy America. But it was the beginning of a long sunset for supporters of free and democratic societies.
June 07, 2004
Okay, so I've pulled my head out of the sand and am ready to roll once again. Actually, I've been in a transition mode for the past few weeks, getting my shit together in preparation for a couple of major life changes (which, I hope, were not over-rated). Significant change number one will be rotating to days after working six years of nights and weekends, and most of that at a part-time pace. Initially, it was a bummer working nights and weekends because all my pals' activities -- and volleyball tournaments -- took place on (what else?) nights and weekends. But it afforded me the opportunity to finish my undergraduate degree (first-generation college graduate, I am), and gave me a good dose of life on "the other side." I must say grocery shopping at three in the morning has its privileges (no lines), but there are disadvantages, too (no one to wrap the crab legs or slice the roast beef). And I could drive to the mountains in record time to watch the moon and stars, as I did a few nights ago when the moon was its fullest and closest. I also had plenty of time for things like haircuts (a biweekly necessity), talks with the therapist, trips to the bank (to withdraw the part-time pittance I'd earned), skiing on snow instead of other people's skiis and, oh yes, blogging. Now, I get to do these things at the same time as the rest of the million and a-half people in this city. And it's not such a bad job, anyway. I wouldn't consider it a life career, but it certainly pays the bills and keeps the cat in kibble.
It's the other significant change that I'm most excited about -- acceptance to a local private university's graduate program to study a new, rather innovative program that will bring together elements of the public, private and non-profit sectors. Imagine that, getting excited over school at 43 years of age. The key, I am told, is that (unlike undergraduate programs) graduate school programs truly want their students to succeed; you're not simply a number and a source of revenue, and the instructors aren't there because they never made it through their doctoral programs. And, I have to admit, I'm most ecstatic that my degree will come from this institution of high repute rather than the local state university which has hosted its share of controversies and zealously religious wingnuts (not to mention the largesse of at least a few generations of a family that made its name in beer). I went to pick up my student ID today and was compelled to enter the bookstore; it was like walking into another dimension. I browsed through the racks of school-name sweatshirts, tank tops, T-shirts and shorts, and finally chose a baseball cap (handy to hide the helmet hair after you've been riding the scooter a couple hours) ... and a lapel pin. Although I'm not ordinarily a lapel pin sort, I do have two that I'm very proud of: my honor society pin and, now, my graduate school pin. I plan to put the latter on my briefcase, the one I take to work, so that I'll always be reminded of what I'm working toward.
It's the other significant change that I'm most excited about -- acceptance to a local private university's graduate program to study a new, rather innovative program that will bring together elements of the public, private and non-profit sectors. Imagine that, getting excited over school at 43 years of age. The key, I am told, is that (unlike undergraduate programs) graduate school programs truly want their students to succeed; you're not simply a number and a source of revenue, and the instructors aren't there because they never made it through their doctoral programs. And, I have to admit, I'm most ecstatic that my degree will come from this institution of high repute rather than the local state university which has hosted its share of controversies and zealously religious wingnuts (not to mention the largesse of at least a few generations of a family that made its name in beer). I went to pick up my student ID today and was compelled to enter the bookstore; it was like walking into another dimension. I browsed through the racks of school-name sweatshirts, tank tops, T-shirts and shorts, and finally chose a baseball cap (handy to hide the helmet hair after you've been riding the scooter a couple hours) ... and a lapel pin. Although I'm not ordinarily a lapel pin sort, I do have two that I'm very proud of: my honor society pin and, now, my graduate school pin. I plan to put the latter on my briefcase, the one I take to work, so that I'll always be reminded of what I'm working toward.
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